A Win-____ Situation?

And I'm back to writing.

Something happened last night which made me inspired to go back to writing again. Another fiction story perhaps.

I was playing Pokemon Fire Red Version, like I always do for the past week. I don't have much to do, I don't go to school anymore so I don't have ANYTHING else important to do. I have two laptops on, one for playing and the other to browse the walkthrough of the game, I somehow forgot some things regarding the gameplay. I was also on Facebook that time.

*BUZZ*

The buzzing sound of receiving a message on Facebook startled me, I was in the middle of catching a legendary Pokemon, Zapdos. Who can this be? This better be important.

It was one of my ex-girlfriends.

"tol"

"oi tol, musta? nu meron?", I replied.

The next message I received was a link; I opened it right away.

It lead me to a blog she had written on Tumblr. It was relatively new.

"Secret blog ko tol."

I was like "Oh God Why?" Why would she give me access to her secret blog site? I was hesistant, but she told me to read it so I did just that.

"para naman may alam ka tungkol sakin"

We haven't seen each other in a while. The only communication we had was Facebook. But if there's something big I knew about her, it's something that we had in common last year.

We were both left out by our "special someone" at the same time frame last year. We both took it hard deep inside, but knowing her, she didn't let any sign of these hurts show in any way, much like I did.

I was reading her blog, it had a nice layout with music on background. It only had 3 songs, all of which are Utada Hikaru's First Love, only with different versions (1 original, 1 english version, 1 instrumental).

As I was reading I eventually got the sense of why she let me read this and why the background music was almost the same.

Biglaang Kalungkutan was the blog title. And First Love was their theme song, her boyfriend and her.

To make her story short, her boyfriend left her after being together for 3 years. 3 YEARS! I mean the longest serious relationship I had with a girlfriend was 8 months! 3 YEARS! Is this a trend nowadays? I know another couple who'd been in love with each other for the longest time and now they're also apart. What is the world coming into?!

As for every story, there's a good thing and a bad thing it brings about to the reader.

For me, the good thing was the reason I can write this blog post right now. The story was so touching. Until now she still holds on to her feeling s for that guy despite him doing the best he can to throw my Utol under the rug. She fights hard everyday, seeing him with another girl, seeing her own friends ignore her hurts. I admire her toughness, though I have known this trait of hers a long time now. I never knew that someone as tough as my Utol can be this devoted and loving, to the extent of being hurt so badly.

Reading her story inspired me to write a story of my own, based on hers. I would love to turn something this inspiring to me into something that hopefully may be able to touch others as well. Yes, it will be a love story  but it will be one with real heart poured into it, mine and that of my Utol's.

Now the bad part.

I may be encouraged regarding the writing aspect, which is good by the way, but I am very much discouraged on the loving aspect :(

I still can't get over the fact that even long term relationships can still end in a snap. I just had my heart broken last year, a full year of offering my heart to that person. I made it through, I have moved on. But 3 years is still too GRAND for me. I know that if I can get the chance to be with someone for three years, I would really give all that I've got for it to never end. But it seems that all that my Utol got was not enough.

What if what I've got will not be enough as well? I have a special girl right now, of course she doesn't know I like her. Some of my friends are telling me it's about time to take another shot at love and take a chance with her. But right now, after last night's alone time with my two laptops, nearly shedding a few tears, I don't know whether to listen to them or listen to my discouraged heart.

It may save me from hurts if I hold back my heart for my own, that will be a win for me. But I may never have that experience only people who have given their love wholeheartedly to someone special may be able to know. And that will be a BIG loss for me.

Writing: WIN
Love: I am not so sure. And I may never be able to be sure at all, if worse come to worse :(